Playing Catch-Up In Dark Times
Falling behind at this point in time is like losing steam halfway to shore. You just have to keep going regardless.
After more than a month without my ADHD medication, I finally have some in my system and I am ready to be productive.
Let’s see, what has happened…
First, I should probably mention that the lump in my breast was not cancerous. Remember this post?
Well, it turns out I have gynecomastia, which is extraordinarily rare in women. The doctor I went to for a third opinion on my lump essentially said that I had so many factors that increased my risk it was almost inevitable I’d have some issue like this.
Second, I finished my first semester of college with a 4.0 GPA. I’m extremely proud of myself. It’s refreshing to have all my hard work pay off—accommodations make such a huge difference. I’m still nervous for future classes; however, my confidence in my abilities has grown. I just hope accommodations aren’t going to be taken away from me.
I haven’t been able to truly enjoy my break from classes, though, thanks to the manufacturer shortage of my ADHD medication. I haven’t been able to sit still long enough to do much of anything. I’ve mainly crocheted. Which was my intention anyways, but thanks to my ADHD being in full force, I started over more than 5 times after making decent progress. The attempt before my current one, I accidentally made the blanket almost 3x wider than it needed to be—and it was a queen blanket. A QUEEN blanket! And I was wondering why the project was working up so slowly!
On top of all that, I’ve been dealing with chronic fatigue. We’ve checked my blood levels, and so far my health is pretty fantastic—besides one issue my doctor and I have on our radar. My doctor even said my lupus is “well-managed.” I felt like dancing when she said that. I’ve spent so much of my life playing whack-a-mole with my health to get to this point, and I couldn’t have gotten here without the great team I have. If I need to sleep for a couple of hours during the day, I guess I’m okay with it if the rest of my health is going to be so great. Not that I have much of a say in the matter…
Looking Forward to the Rest of 2025
I had plans for 2025, and then I ran out of ADHD meds and my plans have mostly gone out the window.
My priority is, of course, my education. If I do nothing else other than maintain good grades and focus on learning, I won’t be totally happy, but I won’t beat myself up about it, either.
One of my other goals for 2025 is that I want to start a new video series that celebrates Southern California, its history, people, culture, and places of interest throughout the region. I want to say more, but I think I’ll wait until I have plans in place before I say too much. Making any plans still feels insurmountable after a month of struggling to stay focused without the help of medication.
I would love to comment on current events, but I do not have the bandwidth to do so at the moment. I am running on low battery and have been for a month. Just know that I am angry, frustrated, and trying to figure out how I can help the most for the next 4 years.
If you’re feeling hopeless, this writing helped me a lot when I was frustrated by how little I could do to make a difference in the world, and it helped me find purpose, a mission, and some hope for the future. I hope you can find some of the same inspiration in the writing that I did. Yes, I know it’s a Tumblr post. https://panatmansam.tumblr.com/post/126512128596/tending-the-world-garden-a-parable
Here’s To Survival
We are living through dystopic times, and it’s going to be a fight for the next 4 years. We are strong together, however, and the more we recognize division tactics for what they are, then we can come out on the other side of this victorious.