The Five Stages of Cleaning: Denial, Procrastination, Anger, Acceptance, and a Job Half-Done
Follow the quirky adventures of your cleaning-obsessed protagonist with ADHD (me) as I tackle the daunting task of tidying up my space in this collection of diary entries from the past four days.
Saturday, April 8th
Hello there! It’s 4:43am right now, and I couldn’t fall back asleep because I have a new phone to play with. As a matter of fact, I’m using my new phone to write this right now.
I’m going to document the next couple of days, including all the interesting things that go on and my reactions to things that come up, and I thought I would share it with you. I have a pretty fun week ahead of me, or I intend to have a good week. I realize intentions and reality don’t always align, but I’m choosing to stay hopeful.
Once the sun rises, the boyfriend and I are going to the beach. It’s been months since my toes have felt sand, and I miss being submerged. The water will still be cold, and it’s only supposed to be in the mid-60’s today. That’s warm for some people, but for me that’s sweater weather.
It’s 5am now. I’m off to try and get some sleep!
8:15am
I slept through my alarm for watching the sunrise, so I woke up around 7:30. I am now awake, I’ve cuddled with my dogs, and discussed with Sean the cold weather and our beach trip—we're still going to go. I also put the dishes away. One tip I've learned with fatigue is to put dishes into the dishwasher organized by how you put them away so that less bending is required.
I love efficiency hacks, or rather accessibility hacks, that help me expend less energy, since my energy use is so limited.
The boyfriend made breakfast of steak and an egg with a slice of toast. It was very yummy. Now I'll get ready for a day at the beach ⛱️.
10:48am
The water was closed due to chemical/sewage contamination. We trudged all the way down to the beach just to trudge back to our car to put away our umbrella and beach chairs. We then walked to the Hotel del Coronado, a 2-century-old hotel that Marilyn Monroe visited once. One of the main streets in Coronado runs past the hotel, so we explored that, stopping briefly in a stationary store (so many cute things!), and then we stopped at a candy store and picked up some chocolate and salt water taffy.
2:58pm
I’ve been streaming with Glory for an hour. We’ve had some excellent discussions already, I highly recommend checking out Glory’s Twitch channel and watching us chat if you haven’t already. Here’s the link: https://twitch.tv/glorywritestheblues/. Twitch doesn’t keep the videos forever, so make sure you see it before it disappears.
I checked Tumblr this morning and I had 65 notifications for the memes and articles I’ve posted to the Essays on the Outskirts Tumblr account. I just checked the stats again, and there were 22 new notifications for the same memes and articles. I’ve had hardly any traction on my posts for ages now on any social media channel, so it’s super thrilling to see these numbers.
Sunday, April 9th
3:50am
The boyfriend has turned on the cold air and I'm freezing so I woke up and put on my purple sleep lounger.
The bf leaves this afternoon. I'm happy for him, he's going to have such a great time, but I'm also kind of tired of being alone all the time.
Since it's morning and I'm not going to fall back asleep while the cold air is running, I might as well check my stats. My fingers are crossed that I have some new notifications on my socials.
I had 15 notifications on Tumblr. I gained a new follower, some reblogs, and a couple likes. I now have 7 followers, up from 2 followers on the 30th of last month. My most popular post so far has been the Barbie meme of the two Kens fighting, with one labeled “The ADHD need to keep moving” and then other Ken labeled “Fatigue’s need to not move at all”, and Margot Robbie as Barbie in the middle of the two Kens labeled “Me”.
I checked Instagram. I had three notifications there. A couple friends liked my post. My memes aren't getting much traction on Instagram. I might need to rethink my strategy. My new phone actually takes good pictures, so maybe I should focus on finding pretty things to photograph. I'll have to experiment. Luckily, experimenting is pretty fun.
I went to check Substack to see if my social efforts have led to any views. My latest post seems to be holding steady at 34 views. I'm hoping to get a couple more views before the post you're reading right now goes live so that I can say my simple exercises article was my best performer thus far. I'm 5 views away from making that happen.
10:21am
It’s Sunday, which means I’m watching Amber Craft’s livestream. After that, I’ll watch Jules the Dawdling Writer’s livestream, and then it’s Sunday Funday in Charlie Dorsett’s discord, which means a group of us will play Sun Haven together and we’ll all chat until it’s time for us all to go to bed.
At some point today, the boyfriend will leave for his trip. He’s currently playing a game with his DnD group. It's Easter and their DM thought they cancelled the session, so the party is playing some other game together. Before he convened with his friends, he and I made BLTs with avocado. Mine is wrapped up in the fridge because I'm never hungry after waking up.
12:22pm
The boyfriend just left a minute ago and I'm already feeling a bit lonely. The dogs aren't too happy about it either. Princess is particularly attached to the boyfriend, and her little doggy face looked so crestfallen when I was the only one to walk back in the door after helping the boyfriend get his luggage to his car.
Recently, I watched a video on stimming and how to figure out what your stims are.
I’ve used the advice from that video to write down the things that are my discomforts and my comforts for each of the five senses. I then wrote down my least favorite tasks and what discomforts they triggered along with my favorite tasks and what senses they stimulated positively. Using this information, I’ve developed some strategies that will hopefully make cleaning and other torturous chores easier and more pleasant.
For example, I hate doing laundry in part because it’s boring, meaning I’m under-stimulated. To make it less boring, I can watch something I really want to watch, or listen to an audiobook or a podcast. Something to keep my mind engaged in something other than the agony of folding. Or, as another example, I hate vacuuming because the sound is too loud and grating, plus it’s a tedious chore. To make this chore more pleasant, I can put on my headphones and listen to music while I work. The headphones will muffle the sound from the vacuum and the music will keep me engaged.
I’m combining this with other executive function hacks I’ve gathered over the years, like breaking down tasks into smaller pieces when you feel overwhelmed and don’t know where to start.
While the boyfriend is gone, I intend to practice working with my sensory needs instead of trying to just power through like I usually do. I need to clean my bathroom, and I’m going to try cleaning while watching the Metropolitan Opera. I also have laundry to put away, so I’m going to do it in small batches, I’ll watch or listen to something I’m really excited to see or listen to, and I’ll make sure I’m sitting comfortably while I fold.
4:11pm
For the past few hours, I’ve been cleaning and organizing. In a couple minutes, I’ll take the dogs out, and then I’ll hop in the discord to hang out with my peeps.
I cleaned for hours, but it felt like maybe half an hour of work. I started by turning on the music I’m vibing with the most and then I scrubbed dirt off every surface I could reach. I cleaned half my counter. The other half is occupied, and I haven’t bothered to move everything over to the clean side so I can scrub the dirty side. I figure I’ll save that for tomorrow.
Then, I moved on to cleaning the floor. Between my hair and the dogs’ fur, the nooks and crannies were looking pretty fuzzy. I grabbed the vacuum, forgot about putting headphones on, but I had my phone playing music loud enough I could hear it over the vacuum, and then I de-furred my bathroom.
I then wiped down the mirrors. I started to tackle the bathroom cupboard, but I realized I wasn’t ready to take on such a monumental task, so that’s on my agenda for tomorrow.
After that, I tackled my massive pile of laundry. I’ve been living out of my laundry basket for months because I haven’t had the will to put myself through the suffering needed to fold and put away clothing. I also have a space problem that’s an issue. I have a dresser, but the drawers are so shallow it hold nothing. My closet is also very limited. I had more closet space at my previous place.
Today, I had a plan to tackle my laundry, and I got a significant portion of it put away. I even got rid of some clothes that either no longer fit and probably never will again, or were too worn out too keep. Clothes that can fit in my closet or dresser are put away, all that’s left in the basket are the extras. I don’t know what I’ll do with them since I even filled a suitcase with clothes from the basket that are no longer in season. Maybe I’ll find some things in my closet I can get rid of to make space for all my stuff.
But how did I do all this?
I watched the opera while I worked.
I started watching La Cenerentola, a Cinderella story by my favorite composer, Rossini. It happens to have two of my favorite opera singers, Juan Diego Florez and Joyce DiDonato, as the leads. I stopped watching when I finished what I could of my laundry, so I’m eager to find out what happens next.
It feels incredible to be able to say I cleaned all that I did. This feels sustainable to me, something I can do on a repeat basis that will help me manage the overwhelm I feel when trying to tackle these tasks, and will help me do these tasks consistently so that they don’t get to overwhelming levels of dirty. I look forward to what tomorrow brings.
9:15pm
I was getting ready for bed after spending the evening with my friends and I checked all my notifications when I saw a notification that I had someone purchase a Fiverr gig from me. I really enjoy critiquing others’ copy. It helps me improve my own copywriting skills, and I feel like I'm adding value. But now it's time for bed.
Monday, April 10th
5:49am
I woke up early again. I practiced my Duolingo, checked my stats, and shared Instagram reels of cute animals with my friends. Now, I'm contemplating putting my sleep lounger on because I'm cold and want to start cleaning my room. I plan on clearing off my desk and making it useable. Then, I plan on tackling my filing system. Or at least tidying it up, because it's a mess.
7:51am
I’ve been cleaning for the past two hours or so. I tackled the mess that was my desk. It’s now clear. I had a lot of junk mail to go through, plus old letters that need to be filed away, so I threw away the junk mail, got rid of the old letters I no longer need, and put the letters that need to be filed into a folder and put it away. I’ll have to go through the folder at some point and put the papers in their proper folder, but I’m not ready to tackle the enormous task at this moment.
3:49pm
I was briefly on the Monday stream on the GloryWritesTheBlues YouTube channel. The topic was researching for writers. I love researching, and have lots of resources to do research, so I was hoping to spend more time on the show, but I had lots of cleaning to do. Before the show, I had finished clearing off my desk. The next section of my room I decided to tackle was my bookshelf. I had lots of paper and notebooks in the corner where the two bookshelves are, so I sorted those. I put the files and mail I haven't gone through on my desk, so that's messy again. But the bookshelf corner is as clean and organized as I can manage.
Tuesday, April 11th
7:14am
I've been up since 6ish. I started my morning by practicing my French, then I took the dogs outside to do their morning business.
I'm trying to decide what should be on my agenda for the day.
My Fiverr gig is due tomorrow, so I'll work on that until it's finished. Then I can clean off my desk again. After that, I need to job hunt and work on my next Substack post. That should keep me busy until it's time to join my friends in the discord to play some Sun Haven together.
11:21am
I've worked on the Fiverr gig all morning, and I just need to work on one tiny section and it will be complete. I took a small break to take the dogs out, and I played with the new Notes feature in Substack. I want to spend more time on Notes, but responsibilities call.
9:01pm
I took a short nap, and awoke to the fire alarm going off. Princess gets so scared she hides in the tub, while Nessie hides under the bed. I dragged them out of their hiding spots and took them for a walk outside. That calmed them down. Once the alarm turned off, I fed them dinner, and then I spent the rest of the evening with my friends. Now, I plan on going to bed so that I can wake up bright and early to get everything accomplished.
Wednesday, April 12th
1:49am
I didn't expect to wake up this early, but I have so much energy I don't think I'll try to fall back asleep just yet.
I checked the boyfriend's flight and he should arrive at his destination a half hour earlier than expected. I sent him a message telling him to have fun and I'll be asleep when he lands, but that might be inaccurate if I can't sleep.
2:15am
I washed most of the dishes in the sink. The dish drying rack is now full, and I didn't feel like drying dishes, so I'll leave putting dishes away for later me to do.
I still feel energized, so I'm not ready to head back to bed.
I cleaned up part of my bathroom I didn't get to a couple days ago. I still need to scrub the bathtub, but that takes so many spoons so it'll have to wait.
Maybe I'll get to work on my next Substack post. The next post goes live on 4/20. That's right, I'm going to talk about how in 1902 Pierre and Marie Curie discovered the radioactive element radium!
Just kidding.
3:10am
I practiced my French on Duolingo. I don't feel like I'm learning how to speak French, but my reading skills are getting pretty good.
3:35am
I’ve been messing around on ArtBreeder to make images for this post. It’s a pretty fun website to play around with. I highly recommend it for writers. Now to sleep.
7:37am
Got some sleep, now I’m ready to tackle the day.
1:45pm
I’ve been playing around with Notes, and I’ve been working on next week’s post. I made some butternut squash soup for lunch. It was delicious, but not as good as the pictures of the food my boyfriend was eating for his first dinner on his trip.
I need to wrap up this post and get it scheduled so it can go live tomorrow. I hope you enjoyed this little look into my life, and hopefully you learned something new from it as well.